All a child needs is someone to love and be loved by. Grandmothers can do that. They can take the role of a parent, a counselor, a teacher, a companion – all rolled into one. The golden touch of a loving grandmother can bring wholeness of mind, body and soul of a child.
I was born in my maternal great grandfather’s house and into a joint family. I was surrounded by uncles, aunts, cousins and great grandparents. My grandparents passed away before I was born. My mother and her four younger brothers were raised by their maternal grandparents. My sister, my cousins and I looked upon them as our grandparents too.
We called grandfather “Thatha” (a local term) and grandmother “Valliyamachie” (the Malayalam [our mother tongue] term for grandmother). Everyone in grandfather’s house graciously took care of all of us children. All of us bonded with each other and there was good cheer. There are many happy memories associated with the house.
In my early childhood my father was in U.S.A. and my mother was away for half the day as she was a High School Teacher. Others too went about their work. My sister and my cousins too attended school.
However, my grandmother was always there at home. Consequently, she became my anchor and my security. I was too young to realize it then but today I know that she made my childhood special. I felt truly content and safe.
Valliyamachie is an unforgettable part of the first five years of my life, spent in Secunderabad. The memories are hazy. However the gentle touch of her love and care still linger on. I am filled with warmth when I think of her. When I was six, we shifted to Delhi but used to visit her every year. She passed away when I was twelve.
About Valliyamachie
Valliyamachie’s name was Saramma Matthew. She was always dressed in the traditional attire of the Syrian Christian women of Kerala, though she was settled in Secunderabad, Andhra Pradesh (now Telengana).
The traditional ‘white only’ chatta and mundu was her attire. The chatta was a loose blouse or top with a striking V shaped neck. The sleeves were loose and extended till the elbows. The mundu was a dhoti wrapped around the lower half of the body. It extended up to the ankles and was tucked in at the waist. It was neatly and artistically folded at the back into a ‘njori’.
The ‘njori’ looked like a fanned tail at the back. Whenever she went out of the house, an additional piece called the ‘kavani’ was added to the attire. It was draped from the front to the back like the ‘pallu’ end of a sari.
Today, the rare sight of women in ‘chatta’ and ‘mundu’ bring back memories of my dear grandmothers. She remained the simple Kerala village woman she had been. She wore no makeup and the ‘chatta’-‘mundu’ gave no scope for any fashion.
Besides fashion, style and brands were things she never understood or valued. The only ornaments she wore were two gold bangles and a gold chain with a ‘minnu’ (the Syrian Christian mangalsutra).
Her ear lobes were elongated and the ear hole was large telling us that she wore heavy gold ear rings/tops in her younger days. Her old photographs proved it.
I remember Valliyamachie as a small statured woman. She had a fair and wrinkled face. Her hair was always tied up into a small low bun. After losing a young son, an only daughter and son in law, she took up the challenge of caring for her five orphaned grandchildren. She nurtured them selflessly and her example of hard work and dedication has been inspiring.
She was schooled in the old world of doing things. She would be up at dawn and busy with house work the whole day. She was not smart in the modern sense but she had those simple virtues which all should value more than talent, wealth or beauty.
She managed the home well, cooked and served good meals in time and cared for everyone including the servants. The home was her domain. She was smart enough to maintain happiness and peace in her home.
She belonged to an age when there were no televisions or computers. She rarely stepped out of the house. So the prim, brisk look was alien to her. She did things out of duty and love for the family and not to impress anyone or earn laurels.
Significant experiences with my grandmother
In the day time, I followed grandmother around like Mary’s little lamb often holding on to her ‘njori’ – the fanned tail part of her attire. What did I learn from her? I observed and assimilated many things she did.
At that age I did not realize the significance of those things but today I do. Her quiet commitment and dedication to the family, we imbibed. When my children were young, domestic life felt like an endless maze of work and more work but my grandmother’s and my mother’s examples gave me direction.
Today we realize that unless we are spiritually oriented towards the family and treat it as a miniature church it cannot survive. These things are not learnt in a college or book but from living examples.
Valliyamachie always had a coop with hens and chickens. Whenever the hens began cackling loudly to announce the laying of eggs she would hurry to the coop. I would not be far behind.
Sometimes she would let me touch the eggs she retrieved and I would feel the warmth of the freshly laid egg. These were my first lessons in science. Watching the hens and roosters strutting around was entertaining. Sometimes I was allowed to throw the feed to them.
Sometimes the eggs from the coop were not enough for the household. Then the woman egg-vendor, who roamed the streets calling out her ware, was invited into the house.
Grandmother would be ready with a big bowl of water. She would test each egg by putting it into the water bowl. The stale eggs that floated to the top were rejected. Fresh eggs always sink and only those were purchased.
I was always entertained and fascinated by these experiments. When the transaction was over the woman would regale grandmother with some of her personal experiences. Grandmother always talked in Malayalam, while the woman talked in Telugu, but amazingly, they communicated well. It was wonderful to be a part of all this.
Sometimes I would fall down and hurt myself. Valliyamachie always attended on me herself. She would apply coffee powder or sugar and butter on the cut. The butter made the sugar adhere. These were her home remedies. I still practise them.
Most families in Kerala had a big wooden trunk with compartments to store raw rice and other cereals. Grandmother also had one made for herself. She too stored rice and wheat there. Whenever unripe bananas, mangoes, guavas or chickus were brought into the home she would bury them into the rice and they would ripen soon. It seemed like magic.
She and the servants too could tell the time merely by looking at the position of the sun in the sky. The length of the shadow of the building also helped them tell the time.
She had a lot of practical knowledge though she had not studied science. Today I know the scientific principles behind her practical knowledge. Yet I consider her my first science teacher because she was the one who opened my eyes to these things.
Fond memories
Some memories stay with us. I remember how all of us children sometimes joined her in snapping the ends off green beans. Almost every evening, after play, we gathered round the extra large mug of hot tea that she placed on the table for herself. Our tongues raced to tell her of the happenings of the day – our games, our fun.
Simultaneously we would devour slices of bread dipped into the tea. She never stopped us and she listened patiently. I think she enjoyed those moments as much as we did. I treasure those precious interactions even today.
Many a time she sent us to grandfather’s shop (within the compound) with soup or porridge for him and a grand Uncle. The trips made us feel important. I enjoyed all the snacks and home food she cooked. There is a recipe in my recipe diary which is written by my mother and is called ‘Valliyamachie’s curry’. It was a well liked mutton curry she often made.
When I was six, grandfather passed away. Valliyamachie lost some of her energy and interest after that. Two years later she had a stroke and became bedridden.
Whenever we paid our yearly visit she would rummage under her pillow and take out some biscuits or some snack she kept away for us. If we told her that we were going to the parade ground to play she would be anxious and warned us of people who kidnapped children.
She was frail and weak but her eyes would light up if we offered her ice-cream. She relished Chocó-bar ice-cream manufactured by Kwality.
Today my grandmother is no more but I cherish her memories. She won no medals or trophies but she left a legacy. She taught us that a life well lived is not an exercise in self-fulfillment but in being self-sacrificing.
I was extremely fortunate to have enjoyed time with her and experienced her affection but today there are children who don’t have that opportunity. Children are left in crèches or alone at home when the parents go to work.
All a child needs is someone to love and be loved by. Grandmothers can do that. They can take the role of a parent, a counselor, a teacher, a companion – all rolled into one. The golden touch of a loving grandmother can bring wholeness of mind, body and soul of a child.
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Hi! My name is Rubitah. I’m a Content Writer certified Life Coach, Counselor, Social Work professional and the Founder of Being Rubitah. Over the years through my professional and personal life, I have realized that prayers and love can do wonders to family life once you come to terms with yourself and surrender to God. Do you relate to me? Then you may like what I post here! Read more about me
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