A quote that misled me to a great extent before I got married was- don’t settle for anything less than what you deserve!
As someone who is blessed with basic privileges, I often ask myself…
What do I deserve?
Back in 2014, I was a Social Work professional working for a social enterprise in Delhi. I was applauded many times for my work. In fact it was an honour to be a part of the change that everyone wishes to have in a society.
A relatively easy-going woman, I was passionate about whatever I pursued- be it at work or church or home.
So when it came to getting married- I counted myself as one of those who deserved the best!
And this quote- don’t settle for anything less than what you deserve, convicted me to have such an expectation.
On the other hand, my husband, a sweet charming man is also someone who’s gone through umpteen circumstances to pave a path for himself. Life wasn’t fair with him when his mother fell sick but God’s mercy and faithfulness has carried him through.
So when it came to marriage he felt he deserved the best too!
What happens when you don’t settle for anything less than what you deserve
Despite our best intentions, our expectations towards our self overpowered our commitment towards the sacrament of marriage. When we came together we went through a significant share of fights, struggles and disappointments.
Disappointments that seeped in through misleading quotes and declarations of the kind- “Don’t settle for anything less than what you deserve”
This idea of worth was leading our thoughts into a deceiving state of mind. It was instigating us to adopt a sense of entitlement!
In other words, we both demanded love, respect, obedience, happiness, joy etc from each other because of the unique contexts we came from.
So who deserves to be deserving of worth more- my husband or I?
Today, when everyone around you is constantly talking about rights and how society is conspiring to put you into a box of labels, I was seriously confused!!
I rebelled against the smallest display of control or judgement. I doubted my husband- his intentions, his words and his love.
On the other hand my faith always taught me to give, love and serve. In the context of married life, this was a tough row to hoe.
“Why should I be the one to give? He must learn to please me too.”
“Why should I obey? He doesn’t listen to me at all”
“If I don’t stand up for my worth today, he will use this for his advantage tomorrow.” I protested.
Who decides what you deserve?
So who decides what I deserve?
Me? That would be very biased isn’t it?
My husband? That would be difficult since he’s not always aware of what goes on in my mind and heart.
Family? Society? That could be disastrous because my context is not in the public view.
I now know it is God.
“Indeed, the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows.” Luke 12:7
How can I take credit for how I look or where I was born or what I have achieved? Because everything- right from the hair on my head to my family to my skills are a direct result of His mercy and grace. Nothing is of my doing!
Life’s blessings are all God’s blessings. All that I have and achieved are His mercies and added grace- including my husband!
When this perspective came to light, I humbly handed over my heart to Him. I stopped worrying too much about what I deserved, or my husband deserved or anybody else deserved.
In fact it was a huge relief to let go of this sense of entitlement. It gave me the freedom to move on. To not worry or feel wrongfully used. To keep my hopes only on an unfailing God. To serve even if I have not been served first.
Because God loves all of us. His plans for us- even if painful at times have a part in fulfilling His purpose.
So now with humility, I accept whatever disappointments that come in our marriage as God’s little projects of making us choose Him over our own indecisive, weak self- again and again and again.
We rely on Him and depend on Him to give our best to this marriage. Not as winners and losers. Only as seekers of His purpose.
What are some of the quotes or common sayings that mislead or confuse you in marriage?
Disclaimer
Even though a lot of struggles can be resolved with prayer and total reliance on God, there are still some weaknesses of the soul like abuse that deeply affect the relationship between a husband and wife. Victims of marital abuse therefore must always reach out to authorities or their spiritual leaders for safety and support.
Found this useful? You might like reading these as well-
The surprising truth about pursuing self-worth
How to turn a romantic spark into a gentle flame
7 brutal truths about married life
How to overcome the habit of overthinking
Is marriage a road to holiness?
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Hi! My name is Rubitah. I’m a Content Writer certified Life Coach, Counselor, Social Work professional and the Founder of Being Rubitah. Over the years through my professional and personal life, I have realized that prayers and love can do wonders to family life once you come to terms with yourself and surrender to God. Do you relate to me? Then you may like what I post here! Read more about me
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