When someone you trust puts you down what do you do? Do you protest, do you avoid the tough conversations or do you just play the victim? Read on to know how I took control of my tasks once I let go of self-pity
In 2018 this blog “Being Rubitah” became an additional commitment in my life. With no prior experience I was eager and determined to learn everything about blogging, right from the beginning. Website design, wordpress technicalities, social media marketing, email marketing and SEO, were all part of my to-do lists.
Perhaps I was dedicated to my blog more than necessary because I found myself working really long hours, every day. I was either on my laptop or with a book or with my phone, constantly reading up, writing down, posting, pinning and sharing.
As a result when I saw my husband relaxing after his work hours, while I still had my cooking or cleaning to complete, I started feeling irritated. I wanted him to take up a part of my responsibilities, in addition to the tasks that he was already doing at home. I demanded that he be considerate and kind, for what I was doing was “very important”!
Arun did help out some times, but he soon realized that my “very important” work always seemed “very important”! He wanted to relax as well after a tiring day at work and my blog wasn’t anyway helping us financially.
This behaviour made me more resentful. As it is I was exhausted with my blog and other home duties and my husband was making it even harder. I realized that something had to be done.
So one day, I discussed with Arun about why I thought he should help me.
“There is so much to do for the blog. I have to sort out this particular issue. And then I need to learn more Pinterest strategies because that’s important too” I complained.
“That’s your problem” retorted Arun
“But now that I have started the blog, I want to be able to do my best!” I explained.
“I don’t know. I need some relaxation time too. You can stop blogging if you cannot manage or you can just do it casually.” he quickly stated.
I was furious. I hated him for his reluctance to help me in any way. I felt that he was too selfish. How else could he be so insensitive? After all we both wanted that I start writing. Now that I’m asking for help- this man doesn’t want to take any responsibility! If he wasn’t supposed to help his wife manage her problems, what the hell was he a husband for?
But after some days, I came to see his point of view. It was I who was too selfish, not he.
My time is my responsibility. It is up to me what I do with my time. If I wanted to work ardently on my blog, then that is my choice and so the consequences of that choice were my responsibility.
By asking Arun to bring more structure to my time, I was throwing the consequences of my choice on him and unwittingly also giving away my freedom to make that choice.
Of course it is painful for me to watch him enjoy a movie without me or even when he complains that I’m not devoting enough time with him but these pains are the consequences of a choice I have made.
If I don’t want to go through this struggle of balancing all the aspects of my life, I am free to choose to not work so hard or even manage my time effectively.
The choice of working hard on my blog, was not forced by anybody nor was it a result of some dire need. It was the way I had chosen my life to be.
So coming to the present, I now “choose” to structure my time more effectively. There are days when I still devote longer hours on the blog, but I don’t complain any more nor do I expect my husband to take any part of my stress (although he does help, sweetly enough).
I am happy knowing that blogging is a choice I alone have control over.
Don’t play the victim
This may seem like a very small instance, but in life, you will often come across situations where the whole world may seem against you. Where you may feel powerless to make decisions.
There will be many times when you feel like a victim of the circumstances around you, sometimes to the point, where you think that there is nothing that you can do to improve your life.
But the truth is that you cannot play the victim unless you give another, the power to rule over you. And in most circumstances you allow that to happen to yourself.
Remember, as adults you are always free to make a choice. This does not mean that these choices wouldn’t have painful consequences or that you would not fail. You most likely will face struggles. In fact, the choices you make in life, are most often between the lesser of two evils.
“My parents do not understand my passion for this field.” Well don’t convince them, make the painful effort of proving your talent.
“There is so much manipulation going on in my company.” You are free to change your job or continue without getting involved.
“My partner doesn’t respect me.” Show them how it’s like to feel respected. Or feel free to communicate your concern.
“The area outside my home is so filthy.” You have the freedom to file a complaint, or move to another area or just avoid the area.
“My friend always belittles me in front of others” You are free to leave her company or tell her openly or make more friends.
Make your choices intentional but also accept full responsibility of the consequences that may follow. Set good standards for yourself, when you make your choices because then the consequences will all be worth the pain.
As John Maxwell puts it “Life is a matter of choices. And every choice you make, makes you.”
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Hi! My name is Rubitah. I’m a Content Writer certified Life Coach, Counselor, Social Work professional and the Founder of Being Rubitah. Over the years through my professional and personal life, I have realized that prayers and love can do wonders to family life once you come to terms with yourself and surrender to God. Do you relate to me? Then you may like what I post here! Read more about me
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