Everyone you get in touch these days has one thing to make you aware of, about their life “Sorry I am busy right now….” Or “I have been so busy doing this…..” but when you hear this from your own family and close friends you cringe at the position it puts your relationship in!
I too have admittedly used these statements with friends and family sometimes in truth and sometimes just to not feel left out amongst everyone who appears busy. But when the calls and messages stop coming from people whom I do consider dear, I am in a fix. Should I call them so they can cancel it and say they are busy or should I just not call and later make the excuse that I was busy?
Why is it so hard to make time for our close friends and family these days? Why is it difficult to prioritise loving conversations over work or pleasure? Is it because we consider these conversations less productive and pointless?
And in the process what are we teaching our children? That it is okay to disconnect a family member’s call because they currently do not play a role in our life. That we attend to only calls or messages that are useful to us in that time and place?
Where has this sense of indifference come from? Since when in our Indian culture have we become so shortsighted and cold?
My brother has another approach to this which I often get annoyed about. He never disconnects my call but sometimes if he is truly busy, he will, at the beginning of the call itself, tell me- “hey I am in the middle of something, but you can speak for 10 minutes!”
This sets an alarm in my head and instead of saying what I probably wanted to say, I end up talking about things that need his immediate involvement or attention. Sort of like a work call which has to do with lists and tasks. But the other important things like a question around maybe his own temporary struggle (how did you finally deal with that situation) or my experience about a particular visit (how did I feel about the trip) are all brushed aside.
What is relevant to the minute becomes a priority while what is actually important for the relationship to bloom, takes a back seat. Naturally, the important stuff gets left out and forgotten in the future conversations too. I can’t blame my brother entirely because it seems like most people today follow the same trend!
Why do we all have this urge to show that we are occupied with work? Why is it so important these days to be busy? In our grandparents’ days it used to be considered a luxury if you are able to live a retired life with your grandchildren, travelling places or enjoying your free time, without having to worry about expenses.
But these days we all have acquired this pseudo sense of self-worth, where respect is attributed to the ‘lack of time’ for your family and close friends. And “being free” is attributed to “being useless or lazy”.
I had this urge too after I had my son. With a gap in my career I compelled myself to do things just to remain relevant. I started blogging and would take up freelance assignments even when I did not have the time, so I could be considered “employable”.
I sometimes contemplate on my decisions back then. Did I feel that taking care of my baby full time, was not worth the time? Was I conscious of not being considered “productive” in the eyes of this society?
Again what was relevant became a priority while what was actually important for my family took a back seat.
Earlier this year I carried out an experiment with some of my close friends and family members. I love using WhatsApp’s voice messages because it is more personal than sending messages and less interfering than making calls. Since everyone of us claims to be busy I thought this would be a better way to keep in touch with my near and dear ones. The idea excited everybody I got in touch with but over months we were all back to square one. Nobody (including me) had the time to return the voice message!
Is this part of growing up? Does this mean we’re nearing the end of the real world?
Metaverse is not far away when everything like shopping, attending events and making friends will be on a virtual platform with virtual characters, using virtual interactions. It doesn’t seem impossible honestly because we’re already at a point where we like to spend hours on social media or binge watching web series and yet are reluctant to use that time for real interactions like meeting family members or friends we’ve not been in touch with.
A friend told me that her neighbourhood friend was not pleased when they turned up at their house at 6.30 pm one evening. The neighbour’s mom had recently passed away and my friend wanted to share her condolences while also offering help, if required. But the gesture was not welcomed and the friend remarked “You could have just called. It is our T.V time actually.”
By saying “Sorry I am busy” every time a loved one enquires, it seems that we have internalised the belief of “being busy”. We have repeated it so many times to ourselves and others that we are compelled to fulfil it all the time!! It’s a vicious circle that we all should be guarded about.
It is time we realise that the purpose of our lives is not restricted to work, pleasure and everything around these two. There is more meaning to what we live for. “Let’s give out love and allow for love to come in”, says Mr Morrie in the book ‘Tuesdays with Morrie’ and I can’t agree more. In this age of constant negativity why restrict the love from your own circle?
Give it a thought. In your own lifetime, when did you feel the most loved? Wasn’t it when somebody dear gave you that attention, when a close one came over to talk about your interests, when a yesteryear friend made the effort to call?
So if you have a well-meaning person doing that today, don’t ignore it, don’t ridicule it, don’t push it away. Talk to them, spend a few minutes and contribute to the love approaching you.
And if you don’t have anyone doing that anymore, make the call you have been postponing for months. Take the effort of reaching out to your loved ones. Yes, do it now!
Let’s not call ourselves “busy” anymore. Let’s rather say “I’m glad you remembered me.”
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Hi! My name is Rubitah. I’m a Content Writer certified Life Coach, Counselor, Social Work professional and the Founder of Being Rubitah. Over the years through my professional and personal life, I have realized that prayers and love can do wonders to family life once you come to terms with yourself and surrender to God. Do you relate to me? Then you may like what I post here! Read more about me
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