Is there even a day when you don’t feel angry about something? That’s why it is important to talk about your anger- what it is, where does it come from, what it does to you, when it turns unhealthy and how you can learn to deal with it in constructive ways.
Anger in itself is not unhealthy. In fact it is absolutely normal and manifests in different ways for different people. Unhealthy anger, however, is something we must all be mindful about. Here are two instances that can help you understand the difference between healthy and unhealthy anger.
It was 3.30 am. Sapna was awakened by the cry of her infant son. It was the fifth time that night and she had barely slept for 20 minutes at a stretch. She didn’t know that she could feel so tired.
Her husband lay by the other side of the bed, unaware of what was going on. He was in between a long frustrating week at work and so asking for his help did not seem right to Sapna.
So she dragged herself out of bed, taking little Jay in the arms, and tried to soothe him to sleep. Eight rounds of the room, with a little humming usually did the trick. But tonight Jay wasn’t ready to get settled.
Sapna was not only tired now. She was irritated too. “I don’t deserve this! All I want is a little rest. Is that asking too much Jay?” she mumbled to her baby, almost crying.
Little Jay howled in reply. Sapna lost her control. She stormed out of the room and put her crying baby on the living room sofa.
“You have no right to destroy my life by constantly stealing my sleep, every single night. Just SHUT UP!” she hissed.
Her actions frightened her and Jay too.
In the very next second, she realized just how easy it would be for her, to lash out at her poor defenceless baby. She had felt rage for a 9-month-old whom she dearly loved.
These thoughts terrified her and she sat on the floor sobbing about the way she had reacted.
Amit had been working very hard for an upcoming company event. All the big leaders of the industry were attending and Amit wanted to connect with them to make his network strong.
Not only that, Amit was promised by his manager that if the event went well, he would be promoted to the next grade with immediate effect.
This was great news for Amit. His father was recently bedridden due to an accident. A promotion meant that he could contribute more money towards the expenses for his treatment, without having to sell off their property.
On the day of the event, Amit gave a quick visit at the location, to check on the arrangements. As he reached his office desk that morning, his manager charged towards him and shouted in front of everybody:
“Where were you? Is this how you organize an event? Why didn’t you receive the guests at the airport? The Chairman is furious!”
“But sir, I had volunteered to receive the guests and you said …..”
“How dare you put the blame on me! Your incompetency and arrogance is what is going to put me in trouble today. Don’t even think about your promotion now!! ”
Amit was totally shocked. He had been insulted in a room full of people, for a mistake he had not committed.
“If it weren’t for the fact that I can’t afford to lose my job right now, I would have thrown this ID on his face.” he muttered to himself, as he resumed his work.
What do Sapna and Amit have in common? They are both battling with one of the most powerful emotions known to man- anger.
Sapna’s anger was pushed to the point where she became abusive to her child and Amit felt rage towards his manager and yet chose to bury it inside.
Unhealthy anger.
Is there even a day when you don’t feel angry about something? That’s why it is important to talk about our anger- what it is, where does it come from, what it does to us and how we can learn to deal with it in constructive ways.
What is anger
Anger is one of the most basic emotions of mankind and is much required for survival. Everybody gets angry.
It is an emotion that develops as a response to disrespect, or threat or neglect and may result in harm for others or for our own selves, if not dealt with, in a constructive manner.
At times anger feels like fire. We see red, feel hot and sweaty. Our stomach hurts, we feel our blood pressure rising and sometimes even find it difficult to breathe easily.
By appearance we may look flushed with sweat, the jaw tightened and nostrils flared.
On the other hand, we may easily suppress our anger, as though in compliance to the situation. But its effects we feel from within. Like Amit who was angry but did not let it show.
Is anger a bad thing
We assume that anger is bad for us because of its explosive potential and its terrifying implications, but that is not true.
Anger doesn’t need to be always wrong. In fact, it is a very important emotion for anybody who wants to live a healthy life. It is naturally productive and loving when we are honest about it.
Healthy anger therefore has many benefits:
- It pushes us to pay attention to the topic in question
- It helps us to enhance our reasoning capabilities
- It helps us set boundaries
- It strengthens relationships
- It motivates us to solve problems
- It makes us more assertive
- It protects our values and beliefs
- It helps us vent our feelings
So when does anger become unhealthy?
When our anger pushes us to bring harm to others or ourselves, then it is unhealthy. This is the kind of anger that comes from selfish interests and is destructive in nature.
When we express anger aggressively, in verbal and physical ways, we are likely at the risk of creating negative relationships, building up serious health problems and sometimes calling out for legal repercussions.
Yes, we are all guilty of brooding on our antagonistic emotions and we also understand that when we don’t confront them with the truth, they multiply and turn into a rage that only grows and deepens with time.
Destructive and selfish anger therefore brings forth bitterness, and displaces the faith and love we have in our relationships. If not careful, unhealthy anger can even make us fall into a vicious circle of cynicism and malevolent living.
This post is part of Blogchatter’s CauseAChatter
Click here to read why we get angry knowing that it is destructive and where does this anger actually come from.
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Hi! My name is Rubitah. I’m a Content Writer certified Life Coach, Counselor, Social Work professional and the Founder of Being Rubitah. Over the years through my professional and personal life, I have realized that prayers and love can do wonders to family life once you come to terms with yourself and surrender to God. Do you relate to me? Then you may like what I post here! Read more about me
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