Strong negative emotions are often caused by events or people. But how do you approach them? Are you positive or negative in your responses? How can you use these emotions for your own good?
It was a 10.30 event. We were expecting more than 200 corporate volunteers. My colleague and I had managed innumerous CSR events before but this company was important and our execution was crucial to bag a long-term partnership with them. Personally, I love meeting and engaging with groups but I’m also a person who tends to overthink and stress, when an intended outcome is riding on my ability.
So yes, even though I was prepared, I panicked right before the event. I started pouring out horrendous doubts and negative consequences. “Shut up Rubitah. Have a hold on yourself. You’re making me nervous now.” my colleague snapped.
And then like a loving friend, she made me recount all the wonderful events that we had successfully managed together. The feedback we had received from our previous events. How supportive volunteers generally are. This trip to memoryland really helped and we went on to bag that important deal later. Moving on, I was able to serve many such events because now I knew how to approach the “panic”.
What I’m coming to is that as part of knowing yourself, it is important we also understand what negative emotions we emanate to what kind of situations and learn how to manage them.
Emotions by themselves are neither positive nor negative. They are involuntary reactions to emotional triggers or what you interpret of a situation, opinion, thing, belief or person. Sometimes emotional triggers lead to positive emotions like a familiar old song or a surprise encounter with a friend from the past.
Most often though some of our worst emotional reactions also come from emotional triggers. For example if you had parents who neglected you for a large part of your childhood, you may panic at the very idea of committing in a relationship. Thus emotional reactions that evoke an unpleasant experience in your body and mind can be termed as negative emotions.
Negative emotions are natural emotional reactions of your body. There’s nothing right or wrong about them. How you choose to respond to these emotions is what matters. There are healthy and unhealthy ways of responding to negative emotions. The more we accept and practice the healthy responses, the better we become at interpersonal relationships.
To recognize your negative emotions you must first try to identify what triggers those emotions. To do that make it your personal mission to be mindful of any experience you go through.
How to deal with strong negative emotions
All emotions tell us something about ourselves. They point out our beliefs and in the worst cases bare our innermost unmet needs. We must never run away from our emotions because they give us a great opportunity to improve our well-being and our chances of living a fulfilling life.
So how can you start working on your negative emotions?
Identify your emotional triggers
Be mindful of the times when somebody or something pushed your button. Pay attention to your bodily reactions when facing a trigger. In fact, put on your thinking hat and recall all the negative experiences you’ve had in the past month. It’s okay if you can’t recall but moving on, if you do experience negative emotions, immediately try to put it down in your mobile note or a journal.
If you’ve just had a negative emotion ask yourself the following questions-
What emotions are you experiencing right now? Describe their affect on your body. (For example- nervousness makes my throat dry)
What was the trigger that led you to experience this negative emotion?
Have you faced similar triggers before?
Are these triggers different or alike? Write down how they are different or alike.
Examine the source of your negative emotions
Which emotional triggers led you to make a negative response (eg- unhealthy behaviour like overthinking, overeating, shouting, hitting, abusing etc)
How did the negative response help you? What need of yours was violated? (needs like being loved, being treated fairly, being safe, being right, being valued etc)
What event/s in the past may have caused the negative response?
What need of yours was always criticised or violated or doubted upon which remained unmet for the longest time?
Accept the context
Now that you know why these negative emotions keep popping up every time a trigger occurs, accept it. Accept the pain and the hurt you have in your heart against this trigger. If possible, go and talk to the person involved in this source. Understand their intention and other factors that gave you this hurt. If you can’t talk to this person, talk to a friend about it or another family member or a counsellor.
Give it all to God
Surrender your hurts from the past to God. Because carrying around this subconscious baggage is doing you no good. Forgive the people who gave you pain, who did not meet your basic needs, who fell short of doing the right things for you. Remember God is your biggest source of love. You are his valuable child and His grace is sufficient for you. His mercies will lead you on for the good things He has planned for you.
Believe in your ability too
We often think of our negative emotions as feelings that always go out of control. Yet if you notice, there are some times that we also know how to manage them. For example you may find it easier to become angry with your friends or parents but you would not dare to show your anger to your teacher or even your grandfather. In other words, you are able to deal with your negative emotions, when you want to.
Recall the larger purpose of the situation
What is the situation asking for? What is the person’s intention behind this conversation? How much am I responsible for this situation to turn positive?
Create a new healthy response
Create a new response for your negative emotions. When this happens I will not (your current response) but rather (your new response). Use positive affirmations, memorize Bible verses, and face the trigger knowing that all your needs are met in God. Everything you are is in the total faithfulness, sovereignty and love of God.
Embrace your triggers
Approach the trigger-causing person or situation knowing that God is with you and believing that He is working for you. Embrace your triggers time and again. Don’t avoid them. Start slow. Try your new responses first with your trusted people or with familiar situations, then move on to responding to the trigger-causing people or situations. Remember, the more times you’re able to generate a positive response to your triggers, the lesser influence they will create on you moving on.
Be thankful- always!
We are mostly thankful when we are rewarded or blessed with good things, people or experiences. Try to be thankful in difficult situations too because they are usually blessings in disguise or a personal skill waiting to be polished and used for the glory of God!
How do you approach your negative emotions? Tell us in the comments below!
This post is part of Blogchatter’s CauseAChatter
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Hi! My name is Rubitah. I’m a Content Writer certified Life Coach, Counselor, Social Work professional and the Founder of Being Rubitah. Over the years through my professional and personal life, I have realized that prayers and love can do wonders to family life once you come to terms with yourself and surrender to God. Do you relate to me? Then you may like what I post here! Read more about me
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