Do you struggle with your sense of worth? Does the whole world seem to constantly tell you that you are not good enough? Read on to know how my perspective changed once I stopped pursuing self-worth and turned to God for help.
I was in 7th grade when I explored all my interests the very first time. My school teachers were very encouraging. I was participating in dramatics, singing, and sports, all at the same time.
Because I was doing fairly well, I dwelt quite largely on those achievements at the time. I was happy and secure in the fact that I could be good at multiple fields.
So when a fellow classmate took upon himself to call me “Kaali” (referring to my darkened complexion, due to staying out in the sun), whenever we crossed paths, it didn’t affect me one bit.
In fact I found it amusing and laughed with him, whenever he called out. I didn’t feel bad because I had more exciting things to do than sulk!
Fast forward to graduation time and being a student of Mathematics, I had to intentionally withdraw myself from everything co-curricular.
The course was difficult but I had two amazing friends who became my channels of happiness and self-worth. I didn’t worry about anything since I always had them for support.
In 2010, when I set foot into another new college with new hopes and ambitions, my sense of self-worth changed again. It now began to stem from the fact that I had the capability to help others. That I could make a difference in people’s lives, just by using these acquired skills and knowledge.
It felt great to be the source of help and support for many causes. I enjoyed being relied upon and connected with, for different activities and events.
Pursuing self-worth after marriage
And then marriage happened. I moved to the Gulf and with no scope of being able to “help” anymore, I started putting the burden of my self-worth on my husband, on my friends, my parents and even my son.
I soon fell into the pit of “finding my identity”. The more I looked up to others for helping me with this new identity, the more I expected them to be appreciative, sensitive and kind to me! I got excited easily and was disappointed easily too.
So after a few challenging years, I shifted my focus to “self-love”. I created this website and started writing my adventures down.
It gave me a new hope of being good at something, of being proud of my self again! It felt immensely empowering to be able to take decisions of my own, to take total control of something without being judged.
But the website failed me too. It was getting harder and harder to keep proving my worth. It was a headache to live up to my new identity as a content creator, writer, blogger. There were days when I cried for not being able to post a blog on time, because it would affect my website traffic!
Of course this naturally affected my mood at home. On weeks that the blog did well, I was the happiest and on weeks it didn’t I would be irritable and sulky. I wasn’t complaining but my sense of worth was now riding on my own capability to pause, reflect and act on my own priorities.
This is when I realized that all this self-love is too tiring and DEMANDING of my attention!
I cannot be perfect, always. I cannot keep pitying my self. I cannot keep motivating myself either.
The surprising truth about pursuing self-worth
So what do I do? Who am I? Where does my self-worth come from?
The world and its systems are faulty
Achievements and capabilities are temporary
Friends and family come and go
Self-love is deceiving and overwhelming
I found the answer in Mathew 16:25 “Whoever wants to save his life shall lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake, will find it.”
What it basically meant to me was that if you’re seeking self-worth more than you seek God, then you will not find anything. But if you seek God first, then you will find both God and your self-worth.
That seemed like a much easier task!
So I started focusing on my personal prayer routine. I read more Bible scriptures everyday. I searched for examples from our ancient church fathers, saints and even common people, who may have walked the path before. I found many and I was humbled.
The more I gave my time to this routine, the more I found my peace in acknowledging the truth that Jesus valued me so much that He sacrificed Himself for me!
It dawned upon me that I didn’t have to prove myself to ANYBODY, not even to my OWN SELF!
With this new approach, I have started worrying less about my self. I am convinced and constantly reminded that in His grace, I am secure and loved. And this fact frees me from looking for worth anywhere else.
It helps me to serve my family, my blog and all other things that need my attention, wholeheartedly, even if these aspects do not have anything to give me back at the moment.
I still have a long way to go and I do digress sometimes. But I have noticed that the results are truly gratifying! And it takes away so much of my stress!
These days, I even tell my son- “Mama can be wrong at times. Dada can be wrong at times. But with Yeshu you can always expect what is right for you”
Are you pursuing self-worth the way the world tells you to do? What do you find most challenging about it?
Found this post useful? You might like reading these as well:
How the local supermarket came to my mental rescue
How to love your self and love your neighbour
How to pursue a fulfilling life on a day to day basis
Why is it okay to be different
Are you living the life of the Church
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Hi! My name is Rubitah. I’m a Content Writer certified Life Coach, Counselor, Social Work professional and the Founder of Being Rubitah. Over the years through my professional and personal life, I have realized that prayers and love can do wonders to family life once you come to terms with yourself and surrender to God. Do you relate to me? Then you may like what I post here! Read more about me
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