Your approach to your child’s situations today, can hugely help in the skills he develops, when he is confronted with life’s harsh struggles tomorrow. Scroll down to read my personal stories as a parent and as a child in trouble.
Our previously rented house had a medium-sized, wooden dining table with four chairs, that occupied almost a half of the living room space.
One afternoon when Steve and I were playing catch, the ball went under the dining table.
Steve immediately went after it. He had almost caught the ball when his head got stuck in between the chair’s supporting rod. At first I was amused at this comical moment, but as soon as I tried twisting his head sideways, to help him out, I realized that Steve was badly stuck.
I tried again forcing the rod to give away this time but it didn’t work. Steve who was only 2, was getting tired of holding up in that position now. Panic started to set in. This problem was more complicated than it appeared to be.
I kept pushing his head through but Steve was getting scratched in the process. Sensing my panic and despair, he began to cry.
I kept consoling and urging him to try and bring his head to an angle which could release his head. I even scolded him to atleast try. But my poor baby was now too scared to even move.
I considered calling up the building caretaker, since my husband was away at work. But my phone was in the other room and Steve was sobbing away.
Taking a breath, I held his face and told him to stop. I couldn’t bear to see him so hopeless so I smiled and said ” Amma nokkaam (Mummy will see), just be still now.” He obeyed.
I now got way under the table and examined how he had got stuck. I couldn’t understand how he had managed to get through the chair’s rod, in the first place.
With no other solution in sight, I ran to get some soap from the bathroom and applied it on his head. And then when I pushed his head, he finally slipped through.
We both laughed a lot when he finally got free. Steve was animated the whole day trying to explain this incident to “Dada”.
This situation made me reflect on how I react to things. Till the time we were struggling and panicking, nothing seemed to work. But when I stopped and took some time to understand what exactly was causing Steve to stick, I realized what I needed to do.
As parents we often “react” in panic, to situations that spell danger for our children. We cannot bear to see them hurt. We just cannot bear to see our child in trouble and suffering.
And so impulsively, we say or do things that may turn out more hurtful for them, just as my initial panic only resulted in scratches and a lot more panic.
On the other hand, when we take a moment or two to reflect, we might be able to not only solve the situation at hand but also instill that confidence and security that we will always be there for them
When I further thought about this, I remembered how my Dad always knew how to deal with disturbing situations. I’m putting down one such incident today.
My dad’s calm but effective approach to a stalking episode
I used to take the 7.30 a.m DTC bus to my college. Almost 18, I enjoyed my bus rides because there was hardly any crowd during this particular hour. The school rush would have just got over and there was still time for the office rush to begin. There were a few other college boys and girls, who regularly took this bus with me.
On a particular day, the bus broke down for a short while, when we were almost near my stop. The boys in the bus started cracking some funny jokes and we were all very entertained in the time that we had to wait. I had no clue however, that when I laughed with the others that day, one of those boys had taken notice of me.
From the very next day, I caught him staring oddly at me. I deliberately ignored him for the longest time. Unfortunately he began to show more courage. In the following days, he started standing next to me in the bus.
Then he started sitting next to me. He tried to make a conversation with me, whenever he got the chance. When he once asked my number I clearly told him on his face “You’re wasting your time with me. I am not interested in talking to you.” He laughed.
When I started sensing his persistence, I changed buses. But he found me. Then I changed my timing, started going even earlier at 7. He found me again. This happened plenty of times.
I knew I was being stalked now and it was terrifying me, but I wasn’t sure if sharing it with someone and especially my parents, would help or not.
Then one day, I again changed my timing and the bus. When he didn’t find me in the next few stops, I thought this worked. Yet mid-way through the 45 minute trip, I saw him pillion riding and the bike was parallel to the bus. He looked at me and winked. It was the most frightening of moments I’ve ever had in my life.
He got on the bus after a few stops. Again coming closer to me, he said that I must miss my stop and go with him. I was shocked. I knew that my refusal was not going to stop him from whatever it was that he was planning in his head. I could see that his friend was still following our bus on his bike.
I desperately tried to look if I knew anybody in the bus or if I could see somebody noticing this behaviour. Nobody.
My stop arrived and I pushed him away, to get down with the other girls. As I tried to run towards my college, he started running along with me . With a smirk he called out “hey lets be “frands” na?” I didn’t answer. He kept talking and following me all the way to my college (which was about half a kilometer).
I was totally shaken by the time I reached college. My best friend finally got to know what was going on and she urged me to tell my brother. I agreed.
I called my brother (who was out of town those days) and within half an hour my Dad reached my college. I rushed out of my class and ran to hug him. I was so scared, I cried my heart out while telling the details.
“Don’t worry. daddy is here. I will thrash him and put him in jail, if I have to” he said in anger. Of course he was emotional but I found so much peace in just hearing those words and in just being with my Dad.
My Dad immediately took action.
He started dropping me to and fro from college, for the next one month. He drove me to all the bus stops, in the following days and asked if I could spot that guy. Working in the Enforcement Directorate, he was acquainted with police officers from whom I think he knew he could get some help. He arranged to put me in a private bus for the rest of my college days.
Both my parents encouraged me to talk about this incident whenever I wanted. They always emphasized on how God’s abundant love was enough to heal me from within and do away with my fears. I was given some emergency numbers too, incase I faced any situation in the future.
I didn’t spot that boy again and in a way I was relieved that this episode was over. I’m thankful about many things actually.
I am thankful that my Dad immediately reached out to me, when he got to know. It made feel so valuable.
I am thankful that he said those words. It made me feel protected and safe.
I am thankful that he took action. It released my stress of facing that situation forever.
I am thankful for the experience. It taught me that my parents will always be there for me, no matter how scary things can get.
And now as a parent, by God’s grace, I hope I will one day too, be able to instill that confidence and security in Steve as well.
As someone so aptly quoted “The most powerful gift you can give your child is the experience of feeling safe, seen, soothed and secure.”
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Hi! My name is Rubitah. I’m a Content Writer certified Life Coach, Counselor, Social Work professional and the Founder of Being Rubitah. Over the years through my professional and personal life, I have realized that prayers and love can do wonders to family life once you come to terms with yourself and surrender to God. Do you relate to me? Then you may like what I post here! Read more about me
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