As a friend, family, colleague or a manager of a working mother, how much do you know your women? As a mother looking to rejoin work, are you doubting yourself? Read the experiences of these 5 ordinary women to know what it’s like to be a working mother.
A working woman faces many hurdles in the Indian job market. Early in her career, when a woman just about acquaints herself with the new-found work, she is thrown into the pressure of getting married.
The choice to work in the same place or to move to a different city mostly depends on what is expected of her by the society or her family in particular and rarely by her own desires and ambitions.
When motherhood beckons, she again faces the very difficult decision of dropping out of work or re-joining, post the maternity leave.
Even if she does rejoin, in many cases, she not only suffers from the guilt of having to put her work before her children but is also looked down upon by her colleagues and managers, as being unproductive or less efficient.
Yet, there are many women who take the difficult call, who rise from all the hurdles and pursue their career with more passion and determination. These women are by no means ignorant of their position and the drawbacks that come with it. They simply try to make the best of their situation and manage as much as they can.
I had the pleasure of interviewing 5 such working mothers.
They are not celebrities, they are not popular, they are definitely not super-humans! They are ordinary working mothers with whom anyone can relate to.
I hope that any mother, who is in the process of taking that decision (to work or not) finds this post useful.
This is also to help every caring family member, friend, employee, manager, HR or company leader, better understand a working mother and endorse the cause of bringing a more inclusive environment at the workplace.
Who are they?
LINU JOHN
The mother of an 8 year old, Linu presently leads the Hero Moto Corp business for Zenith India. She has been in the media industry for about 13 years now and has worked for various brands like Google, Samsung and Pepsi. Linu’s zeal to always keep learning new things, makes her an integrated media person. Her strength she mentions, comes from being a people’s person. Colleagues and clients, who have worked with her, have always expressed their interest to collaborate with her again. A no-nonsense woman, she explicitly shares her point of view which helps in the growth and development of others including herself.
ESHA AGARWAL
An HR professional with over 10 years of experience , Esha is presently working with a public health organization – Jhpiego – a Johns Hopkins university affiliate. Originally from Rajasthan, she lives in Delhi with her husband and 2-year-old son. She enjoys cooking for her family but what she looks forward to the most is spending time with her little one, after a long day at work.
SURABHI SONDHI
With 2 children to look after, is Surabhi who has been working for 14 years in an International firm, handling power projects and giving assistance to development based initiatives. It was only recently that she made peace with her work environment and admits to being finally at a position where she is not pushed to juggle between office and home. Looking forward to a career growth, Surabhi is confident that her skills and experience make her the right candidate for a senior position.
SHREEJA NAIR
The mother of a 6 year old, Shreeja carries 11 years of experience in resource mobilization, in the development sector. Her work is largely associated with the marketing and fundraising aspects for projects supporting interventions, post natural disasters. After working with an organization named SEEDS for a period of 5.5 years in the capacity of Director – Resource Mobilization, she is now associated with UNDP, as a consultant for resource mobilization.
RINI RAJAN
An HR professional with an IT firm, Rini has over 10 years of experience in the consulting domain, managing HR strategy, partnerships and other tasks for her company. Passionate by nature, she believes she has what it takes to grow in her field and is always eager to learn the latest trends and technologies associated with her work. Apart from work she also has her interests in dance and books and does not keep her 1.5 year old daughter away from either of them.
What were your biggest fears before rejoining work and what was your support during the transition?
LINU
Of course, the very first fear is the decision of having to leave a little one at home when she needs you the most. My mom-dad have been my real support else I would have stumbled long back. My husband is the one who has my back and stands by me in all my low phases. He has always helped me to prioritize and maintain a healthy balance.
On the career front, I feared that my professional advancement would become slow-paced as compared to my peers, which actually happened.
Thanks to my seniors, though. Growth opportunities soon came after me and I was able to overcome all concerns work-wise. Yes it took another 6-7 years to get back to the pace I desired, but I understood over time that prioritizing is important in life.
ESHA
On the work front, I wondered if I would be able to focus on my work, the way I used to, whether I would be able to manage the extra work pressure during busy seasons and whether I would be able to work late hours at home like before.
Family wise, it was difficult, since I have no extended family members to support. So I worried if I was compromising on the love and attention that my child should receive in the early stages.
The fears remained only in my mind thankfully.
We have been sending our son to a day care, which takes very good care of him. We also hired a domestic help which again has been a big blessing. Every day is not the same of course. Occasionally there are challenges but I have been able to sail through so far, with the help of my husband.
Work wise I avoid travel assignments and my supervisor is supportive. I have not been hard-pressed at work, so far.
SURABHI
Although I had no big fears on the work front during my first pregnancy, I was led into a rude shock after maternity leave. I was accused of being insincere towards my work and was demoted to a much lower position. My salary was not raised for about 5 consecutive years!
Naive as I was then, I did not even oppose these actions taken by the management members of the time and accepted whatever was being imposed on me.
So when I returned to work after my 2nd pregnancy, you can imagine how I feared of being humiliated again. This time, however, I was ready to protest and had prepared myself for a legal battle,if the situation called for it. Well, I’m only glad that nothing of that sort happened this time.
Family wise, I do get a lot of support and my kids are being taken care of very well, rather. This really helps me to focus on my job when I’m at it. Unfortunately, this support was not there in the first pregnancy, due to which I had to deal with a lot of challenges on the professional and personal front.
SHREEJA
I had only 2.5 years of work experience before I embraced motherhood. If I had continued, I know I would have reached a middle level job with a higher package. So one of my fears before rejoining the workforce was whether I would have to start from scratch and take a salary cut.
1.5 years into my sabbatical, I had realized that I wanted to work and pursue my career interests again. But I couldn’t wait too long because in India with employment itself being a concern, my career gap would have further made it difficult for me to resume. This was worrisome to me.
My son was only 7 months when I started applying for jobs. Since he was on breast feed, many family members advised me to stay at home, until my son turned 3. So yes,I would say that the decision to rejoin work, was a difficult one, with the pressure of having to fulfill my responsibility towards my son.
The fears of course never came true and I felt really humbled.
I found my son adapting to the changes on his own, which made the routines less stressful. I was also able to find a good caretaker for him, which was a big blessing in those days. On the other hand, family and in-laws, I have realized, play a huge role in such times and especially during emergencies.
I also believe that fathers specifically carry a significant role, when a mother takes up the role of a working woman. I again feel blessed here. I love travelling for work and the field trips associated with my work. I enjoy them. My husband ensures that I go with a guilt-free mind.
Lastly my parents have always been there for my son during his school vacations. It has been such a relief to have them in the times when he’s down with an illness and work at office is unavoidable.
RINI
I took the maternity break 6 years into my current company, when I had my daughter. Work wise my fears were largely on whether I would be able to rebuild my credibility and trust with the business and other stakeholders. Thankfully it has not been a concern and am mostly able to manage.
On the family front my fears were around finding my daughter the right child care support (her nanny) and getting my in laws to support, where they could. Thankfully all went well.
While getting a good nanny and retaining her did become a challenge, I was finally able to find a dependable one, a few weeks before I joined work. She understands my daughter’s routine and takes care of her while I’m away. In addition to this, my husband and I also try to coordinate our work timings to ensure that one of us is home early.
We also shifted back with our in-laws to ensure there is always someone around to supervise the nanny. Having my mother-in-law at home, gave me the confidence that my daughter was fine at home, while I was at work. On the days when both my husband and I are late from work, my father-in-law chips in once the nanny leaves.
What is the one thing about workplaces or job practices that needs to change?
“It is you who define your career role and delivery milestones. Hence every individual needs to understand his or her situation and make the right decisions”.- LINU
“Although mandatory, many companies still do not provide a crèche in office, for working mothers. Some provide creches but with services that are questionable in their quality. Having a good crèche facility within the office premises with experienced caretakers or at least tie-ups with some good daycare services that are close to office, can really help a working mother focus better.
Flexible working hours and some work from home options are other good practices that can be adopted. Needless to point out, parents should also be honest in their work and should not compromise on the output.”- ESHA
“I would only wish the work environment to be adaptive with respect to working mothers. A separate room for example with a caretaker can be provided at the working place for the children of working mothers. This way they can be with the kids whenever required.”- SURABHI
“A work from home option is very important for mothers to compensate for days when help (caretaker) doesn’t turn up and crèches at the office should be made mandatory.”- SHREEJA
“All companies should have daycare facilities on the campus and all companies, like mine, should allow work from home options for mothers during emergencies.”- RINI
What were your challenges after rejoining work
LINU
The moments that you miss when your child would have something new in life. As kids grow up the need to be around is more, as they would look upto you for support and guidance. Hence I try to be 100% mom over the weekend which I am not able to do over the weekdays.
ESHA
Honestly since I am kind of settled now I don’t face many challenges. My daily routine is set, but yes I don’t get the time to focus on myself (health wise and career wise too), since I have very limited time in the evening which I like to spend with my son. Of course, another challenge is when kids don’t keep well. I am sure the situation is same for everyone then.
SURABHI
Well, my daughter, wants to be by my side, whenever I am home, She is a little kangaroo and so it is often difficult for me to have a comfortable night’s sleep which leaves me in a forever sleepy mode at the office, next morning.
Another challenge is that I am not able to spend quality time with my children, as by the time I reach home (which is usually around 9 pm or even after, occasionally), I am completely exhausted.
Also, when I am home, my kids are my responsibility, the other members including my husband do not come around them or get indulged in other odd jobs. So I miss the part when I want to relax.
At work, you are compared to colleagues who do not have kids and have comparatively more time for the office. Your leaves make news and then there are the body shaming conversations of course.
SHREEJA
There are many challenges that I face as a working mother. Help not turning up, school homework, making my son study, being home by 7 pm to be able to spend time with family, keeping a watch on my son, so he keeps good company, at the same time ensuring that he becomes independent, spending quality time with my son, making his vacations memorable, working late especially when he is ill, the list is never-ending. All of it sums to just one feeling “Guilt”!
RINI
Even though, I have my in-laws to support, due to my MIL’s health condition, its imperative for us to have a nanny to take care of my daughter. Finding and retaining a good nanny is also quite difficult. When a new nanny comes in, it is a very difficult and time taking process for the child to get comfortable with the new care giver. During the initial days, I had to take work from home or leaves to ensure my daughter is okay and help her get comfortable with the new nanny.
What is the best “working mother advice” you’ve received?
Always spend quality time with your child.-LINU
Relax! Kids adjust very easily and quickly. Kids are more flexible than us.- ESHA
Can’t recall as I never received any. There were more suggestions on how to be a good mother and focus only on kids.- SURABHI
Don’t feel guilty. You too have turned out to be a fine child, even when your mom was working!- SHREEJA
Reach out for help when needed- RINI
As a working mother have your career goals or aspirations changed?
The pace would have changed at different points but my determination to work on my goals have become stronger.- LINU
Yes and I have made peace with it.- ESHA
Well yes, I have now become more clear and focused in terms of my career. I want to achieve all that I had missed earlier and I believe I have achieved some of my goals. – SURABHI
My aspirations have not changed but yes I am more determined and clear now. I feel more strongly convinced of achieving my goals. I aim to become known in my fraternity for my work. Earlier, before my delivery, I wasn’t even sure of the sector I wanted to work in. Today it’s clear and sorted in my head.- SHREEJA
My career goals and aspirations are the same but my career milestones have surely been pushed. Due to pregnancy and the maternity break, I could not strive for a promotion in the last 1 or 2 years. Post delivery, it has been an added effort to rebuild what I had developed before, at work.- RINI
When is “me” time for the working mother?
I would say travel time is what have for my self- LINU
I hardly get that, but sometimes I utilize the time when I have an off and my child’s daycare is on.- ESHA
I sneak out time by taking leave from office and not telling the same at home either. Then I go to some therapist for a massage or other treatments as and when needed.- SURABHI
Till my child turned 5, it was next to impossible to take out time for myself.- SHREEJA
Due to my busy schedule, weekend is the only time I get to spend with myself. I then try to catch up on my reading, meet friends or just watch some interesting series on the internet. – RINI
What’s your favourite pass-time with family?
Before sleep when we share our day’s experience with details of what was best, worse and what we learnt. – LINU
Nothing specific, as my son does something new every day and we just enjoy looking at his activities.- ESHA
We love playing board games together.- SURABHI
Watching a movie together.- SHREEJA
I love travelling with them. Reading books to my daughter is another favorite activity.- RINI
Hacks that make life easier as a working mother? (as suggested by these moms)
- Believe that you are NOT a super woman. You are managing work, kids, a family, a house etc all at the same time. Even if you drop the ball, its okay. Don’t be hard on yourself, remember, tomorrow will be a new day.
- Don’t feel guilty of leaving your child behind. You are working towards the brighter future of your family.
- Find people to support you while you work. A good care taker at home, who also plays with your child and is not necessarily only a replacement for a mother. A trusted pediatric doctor who knows your family well and loves your child truly.
- Share your responsibility with your husband, in- laws, and parents. Sometimes all you need is a helping hand. Discuss your challenges with all and allow them to help where they can.
- Give your 100% attention, when at work and when at home.
- Take your child for an evening walk after work. Refreshes the mind.
- Utilize the weekend to prep your meals for the week. Not only do you avoid outside food, but being home-made you ensure that your child is healthy.
- Don’t compare yourself to other moms. You are different and a unique person, hence you will have your own ways of taking care of your child. You are enough, and you are doing enough for your child. If there is anything missing, you will learn with experience.
The best thing about being a working mother
You get to have a gap from work and family pressure situations, which help you to be more relaxed.- LINU
Life is not monotonous. We get to meet and work with other working mothers, and so we learn a lot from each other. This helps us in experimenting with new things with kids. Even kids get better exposure and become more active.- ESHA
I have always felt that kids of working mothers are good at facing life’s challenges. They are way more independent than the children of housewives, according to me. I maybe a bit biased here,as I myself had a working mother.- SURABHI
Independence and ability to instill values like hard work, integrity etc.- SHREEJA
Best of both worlds. I get some time to be just me and be around people. I do work that I love and am passionate about. When I reach home, the smile and happiness on my daughters face, on seeing me, fills my heart with joy. So when home, I try to be the best mom and spend most of my time with my daughter.- RINI
Conclusion
It is evident from the experiences of these 5 moms that life for a working mother is not easy. Yet if you notice, what is common about these women is that despite their challenges, they WANT to work hard and achieve and grow in their careers.
They also WANT to be there for their family and especially for their children. They KNOW they can’t have it all together all the time!
Something that many of us as family, colleagues or managers or friends tend to disregard and ignore.
Maybe it’s time to support our working mothers. Acknowledge them, talk to them, reassure them, compliment them, and find ways to help them. As managers, discuss and plan with them, in order to help them find fulfilment in their careers, in whatever capacity they can. Create an environment at your office and home, that is more accepting of them and less judgmental.
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Hi! My name is Rubitah. I’m a Content Writer certified Life Coach, Counselor, Social Work professional and the Founder of Being Rubitah. Over the years through my professional and personal life, I have realized that prayers and love can do wonders to family life once you come to terms with yourself and surrender to God. Do you relate to me? Then you may like what I post here! Read more about me
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